Motivation has been on my mind a lot over the past month.

I’ve been wrestling with my own motivation, watching my to-do lists fail to get shorter because I couldn’t find the heart to do anything. It’s not that I don’t like the tasks on my to-do lists. I actually like the vast majority of them. Each and every one of them is a step toward accomplishing some goal, and I love setting and achieving goals.

This lack of motivation has spilled over into other areas of my life, causing me to be sluggish in my editing, my blogging, my jewelry. It makes me feel guilty.

I’m definitely looking for some way to jump start my motivation so May won’t go by as passively as April seems to have.

As I sit here grappling with my motivation, definitely more intrinsic than extrinsic, I’ve also had to deal with a friend’s motivation, more extrinsic than intrinsic. I think it’s been her pursuit of gaining motivators that has actually pushed me to write. While I understand that she is more driven by extrinsic motivators, I have found myself utterly repulsed at her methods of gaining or expressing those recently.

It makes me wonder how often she feels similarly when confronted with my intrinsic motivation. Does she look at my actions and get annoyed with what appears to be me taking a lot of grief that, in her opinion, I shouldn’t have to? (A lot of people watch me work and think that, actually.)

Regardless of whether it intrinsic or extrinsic, motivation is one of those things that is very personal, and changes from person to person. Somehow, it just doesn’t seem to be one of those things so easily judged.

Perhaps it’s just me being so upset for being so unmotivated lately.


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